Cold Blows The Wind
by Queen Em
Summary: "I'm glad you're ok, goodnight Jane." Lisbon picked up the train of her gown and slowly walked out, as she turned to shut the door Jane saw a thick tear laced with black makeup streak down her cheek. There's only so much one person can take, they can't be over, can they? Oneshot.


Cold Blows The Wind

A/N: This is a little oneshot that just came to me and has a rather different essence to what I normally write. Whilst I am rooting for Jisbon, Jane has been a nasty piece of work to Lisbon and you have to wonder how much longer she will take it.

Life also imitates art somewhat as I've found myself in a similar situation and I think you reach a point where you say enough is enough.

So this is for everyone who has ever been trampled on- including Lisbon!

Peace Out xxx

Sighing heavily Lisbon walked up to the attics, the steep steps proving a little tricky in her current attire. A part of her knew she would regret going into that dingy room Jane had taken to living in, but she couldn't bare leaving him alone, even if she wasn't going to welcome up there.

"Jane," she called, no answer, "Jane, you in there?"

She knew full well he was but wasn't going to stand there waiting for him, subconsciously pouting she turned on her heel and went to leave.

"S'open," So nice of him to open the door for her she thought bitterly. With a calming breath she opened the door to see Jane lying on the bed one leg over the other, barely acknowledging her presence.

"I just wanted to see if you were ok," Lisbon said. Ever since Red John got away again in the disastrous Vegas plot Jane had been quiet and withdrawn. There was an air of crushing defeat about him, he barely came out of the attic and she couldn't remember the last time they'd had a proper conversation.

"Yes I'm fine, thank you Lisbon." He replied coolly. Lisbon felt her stomach turn a little, she used to be the closest person to him, now he barely looked at her let alone asking if she was ok. Casting her eyes to the floor she didn't have the energy to continue this conversation, in fact she was losing the energy to care.

"Great." She said flatly, "See you tomorrow."

"You look nice." Jane said, sitting up a little. Lisbon did look stunning, wearing a long silk gown, the shiny black fabric clung to her every curve. Silver stilettos emphasized her lean legs and her dark hair looked beautiful in a loose chiffon.

"Thank you." She said quietly.

"Where are you going?"

"Minneli invited me to his annual charity gala."

"Oh yes." He looked away guiltily.

"I did ask you to come with me."

"I didn't think I'd be much company."

Exhaling hotly Lisbon had to bite back 'you never seem to be much company any more,' and simply ignored the comment.

"Are you going alone?"

"No, Ray asked if he could take me."

"Haffner?"

"Yes, I ran into him the other day and it came up, when I said I was going alone he said he'd like to take me. Believe it or not Jane some people do actually want to spend time with me."

"Lisbon I,"

"Don't!" Lisbon snapped, "just don't. It doesn't matter, I just thought you would take me." An awkward silence hung in the air and Jane could barely look at the hurt lacing Lisbon's pretty face.

He opened his mouth, not quite sure what was going to come out but before he could say anything Lisbon said quietly, "I'm glad you're ok, I've got to go, goodnight Jane." Lisbon picked up the train of her gown and slowly walked out, as she turned to shut the door Jane saw a thick tear laced with black makeup streak down her cheek. He'd ruined her night, her makeup and was gradually ruining her beautiful soul as well. Having watched her leave, Jane sunk back down to the bed, he despised himself sometimes, he hated pushing her way. He had never gone into the CBI with the intention of making friends, but Lisbon was special, she was stunning, loyal and the toughest little firecracker he'd ever met. Pushing her away was killing him and truth be told he couldn't quite put his finger on exactly why he was doing it, but the knew he needed to. She loved him, she needed him but he would never be good enough, he could never quite love her how she deserved. Jane did love her though, how could he not, he had never quite felt like this, it wasn't a raw burning desire like he had with Angela but it was just as gut-wrenching. When Lisbon got shot. his heart was in his mouth, he felt physically sick, he couldn't lose her. the thought of her not being in his life pained him. Was he trying to push her away, was he trying to save her from him or was he just worried about caring too much- he wasn't sure. There were only two things about him and Lisbon that he knew full well, firstly he'd hurt her badly when he was in Vegas, when he saw her at the Church he had never felt so guilty, she was thin and tired and he didn't have to listen to the voicemails she'd left him to hear the pain in her voice. Secondly until Red John was caught, until he had killed the bastard with his own hands Lisbon was in danger, in danger of getting hurt and in danger of losing a part of herself in the process and she didn't deserve that, not Lisbon, beautiful but damaged Lisbon. He did love her, he truly did, but right now he had to let her go, he had to let her walk away. But seeing her shut the attic door, a black tear streak down her face, the decision broke his heart a little.

Jane hesitated as he twiddled his phone in his hand, he'd hurt her, again. He wanted to make things right, or as right as one phone call could. Looking at the steaming Starbucks cup with 'Teresa' scrawled on the side he took a deep breath and dialed.

"Hello."

An unfamiliar male voice answered the phone and Jane's heart leapt, "who is this?" he asked sharply. "Where's Lisbon?"

"Jane?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"It's Haffner. Lisbon's in the shower."

"The shower?"

It suddenly dawned on him, Haffner was at Lisbon's home because he had spent the night. Lisbon was living her life, having a relationship, allowing herself to get close to someone who wasn't hurting her. She wasn't wallowing in a dingy attic, she wasn't pushing the only person who cared about her away, she wasn't losing the most important relationship in her life- he was. He was losing her to someone who wasn't treating her like crap, someone who let her know how sweet and fun she was, someone who was being the person, the man, the partner she deserved.

"Jane? Can I pass a message on?"

"Erm, erm no, I'll see her at work. Goodbye Ray."

He dropped the phone like it was on fire and went onto the tiny balcony slamming the door behind him.

"Hey you," Haffner playfully reached out to Lisbon who came out of the bathroom in her dressing gown.

"Ray!" Lisbon couldn't help but laugh and held onto his arms as he wrapped them around her waist and gently pulled her onto the bed where he lay.

"You're beautiful Teresa," Ray said softly nuzzling her neck.

"Ray," Lisbon went to protest but he cut her off.

"Teresa you are. I'm not after anything, I just want to be with you here and I'd also like to take you to dinner, may I take you to dinner tomorrow night?"

Lisbon hesitated, she liked Ray she really did, he was kind, sweet and treated her well. They had a great time he challenged her, he made her laugh she'd enjoyed being with him last night. Yet a part of her wanted Jane there instead, she desperately wanted a relationship, not even a romantic or sexual one, just a relationship like they used to have. One where they were honest with each other, where they could talk for hours into the night and shared their hopes and dreams. Lisbon used to able to call him any time, talk to him about anything, now he barely acknowledged her existence. Once upon a time she could rely on him, he would have jumped at the chance to go to a function with her, he wouldn't have let her down for anything. Deep down although she longed for the intimacy they once had, she knew that was over, they were over. She did love him, she always would but she had to move on, Jane didn't love her, he never would.

"I'd like that Ray, thank you." He kissed her and she fell back onto the bed, running her hands though his hair.

"Oh Jane called while you were showering." Ray said letting her go for a moment.

Lisbon felt a pang in her gut. Sadness, loss yet a little bit of hope was finally niggling at her.

"Oh right, did he leave a message?"

"No, he sounded a little weird though."

"Oh," she tensed a little, she couldn't help but worry, was ok?

"Teresa, are you ok, is it Jane?"

She smiled softly, "I'm not thinking about Jane, I'm thinking about you."

"Yeah?" Ray said with a chuckle, playing with the hem of her robe.

"Weah, I'm thinking that we don't have to be at work for another 30 minutes, whatever could we do in 30 minutes?"

"Whatever indeed Agent Lisbon!" He went for her robe and she couldn't help but giggle as she allowed herself to have fun, to fall for someone and to feel good about herself for a change. Ray wasn't Jane but after all this time she was starting to think that was exactly what she needed.

Jane cursed out loud, he had lost her and it was his own dam fault. He thought she'd wait, how foolish. Of course she would live her life, of course he wouldn't be the only person she cared about, only 12 hours ago she was in tears because of him. Jane didn't know what the future held for him and Lisbon but he did know he was an idiot, a cold, bitter idiot. Haffner was an ok guy, he wasn't a great guy, but he wasn't the reason Lisbon had a scar on her shoulder, why she had got fired twice and why she cried last night. Cursing again he let the morning breeze whip past his face, the cold wind chilling him to the bone as he tipped the coffee down the drain.

The End

I would love to know what you think! The title is an old folk song, its not really related to this plot but certainly inspired me.

Thanks for reading- QE xxx


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